Look Back... Just This Once

Look back just this once to see how far you have come. I did, and I realized that God is amazing! He made the most difficult inside battles appear to the outside world as a highlight reel of wins, success, and pixie fairytales. The inner battles I had been fighting came with isolation because people seemed incapable of empathizing with me while also resenting my ability to keep it all together; both cannot coexist.

I realize that it was all God’s plan. Motherhood feels different as a single woman. I’ll get deeper into that later, but the difference feels like a more intense love and connection. Carrying so much hurt and confusion inside while still being their safest place revealed so much strength that comes naturally. That was confirmation that out of all the steps God has ordered for me, nurturing Summer and Autumn might be the only step that made me walk correctly every day.

The real lesson is there were no losses. I won and overcame my fear of doing this thing called life as a single black woman with two young daughters on the autism spectrum. Heavy? Yes! However, impossible it was not. I moved forward regardless of the outside noise, and it turned out that some people weren’t unsupportive, maybe they just wanted better for me. I appreciate my friends, especially those who reached out to me even when I struggled to handle the changes. Support is God-sent, so if you’re suffering and feel alone, release expectations because support will come. It all will work out.